me: does anyone want to go to a concert with me? real life friends: me: real life friends: internet friends: YES OKAY I’LL BOOK A FLIGHT AND WE CAN HAVE A SLUMBER PARTY AT YOUR HOUSE AND HUNT THEM DOWN AFTER THE SHOW AND MEET THEM AND MAKE THEM LOVE US AND MOVE IN WITH THEM
When I was in preschool there was this really weird system of time-out where they’d put you in this giant plastic bucket sort of like this one:
And the rule was you couldn’t leave the bucket for ten minutes.
In case you didn’t know, I was what the teachers referred to as a “difficult child” which is code for “walking entity of sass” so I was in the time-out bucket quite a bit.
Once they put me in the bucket for thirty minutes— and I thought that was incredibly unfair so I grabbed the handles and shifted my body repeatedly until the bucket and I were out of the classroom, in the hallway, and through the front door. They found me in the parking lot scooting to freedom in the time-out bucket. The teachers were furious and I said, “Hey, I never left the bucket”
So they called my mum and told her what I did and she just said, “Well, he never left the bucket.”